He's Ours
by Diko
Summary: A one-shot that has now turned into a war on what happens when the FBI agents that work with Booth think they're cute on April Fools Day. Hopefully laughter will ensue.
1. He's Ours

Disclaimer: I don't own Bones, Fox does.

**I was having some fun on April Fools but just never posted it. Just a short one-shot. Which I don't usually do but thought it was funny. Set between Season 3 and 4. Enjoy**

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><p><strong>He's Ours<strong>

Brennan glared at her phone then looked at the alarm clock.

"Brennan," she growled into the phone.

"Bones..." Booth struggled out.

"Booth what's the matter," Brennan said worriedly.

"I uhh...need some help...," he said between gasps. The pain shot from his back up his neck and he couldn't move.

"Okay what's going on," Brennan said as she pulled on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt not bothering with a bra.

"The junior agents thought it would be...funny... to pull an april fool's day joke," Booth gasped out.

"Keep talking the deep breaths will help with the pains," she said as she closed her doors and ran down the steps.

"They loosened the screws on my chair, when I sat down...the back fell off," Booth said between gritted teeth.

"How long have you been sitting there in pain?" Brennan asked quietly.

"Two hours," Booth said.

"Booth! You should have called right away," Brennan, sighed.

"Well, I thought it would go away," Booth said.

"You know better and I know you do," Brennan chastised.

"Yeah well, they're still laughing about it," Booth rumbled crankily.

"I'm just around the corner," she told him then hung up the phone. Flipping it, open she made a call.

"Medico-Legal Labs," Cam answered.

"Cam get everyone together and put me on speaker," Brennan said. Cam raised her eyebrows but did as she asked. She quickly explained the situation. Then she explained what she wanted them to do. She heard Hodgins roar in laughter.

The line went dead and she knew that they were doing exactly what she wanted. She strode through the doors and made a beeline for Booth's office. They started whistling when she dropped the blinds and closed the door.

"Thank god," Booth said with a sigh.

"Stand up," she ordered. He stood up and she walked behind him. Putting her arms under his she hooked her hands behind his neck. In a quick motion, she popped his disc back into place. Booth's mind stuttered at the realization that she wasn't wearing a bra.

"Couch," she ordered.

Booth looked at her but sat on the couch. Rolling her eyes, she gestured for him to lie on his stomach. She reached over while he was doing so and grabbed her purse. Pulling out her lotion, she yanked his shirt up. Squeezing some lotion into her hand, she kneaded the muscles that had become knotted over the last few hours.

Booth groaned in appreciation and felt the pain in his back recede. When she had worked out the kinks, she continued to massage. She heard her phone beep, grabbing it with one hand, she checked the message then she grinned.

"Who is that?" Booth asked between groans.

"Angela," Brennan said and nothing more.

She heard the phone ring then the frantic shuffle of the agents as they left the office. She continued to massage his back listening to the sounds in the office. She smirked in laughter knowing exactly what was going on.

"Do you hear something out there?" Booth's sniper trained ears picked up the sound of tearing.

"No not at all," Brennan lied grinning.

"You're not a very good liar Bones. At the moment I could care less though," Booth muttered.

"Why were you here so early?" She asked him in a curious tone.

"Paperwork," Booth grunted. She sighed and continued to knead. Her phone beeped and she laughed quietly.

"Is Angela misbehaving again?" Booth asked after hearing her laugh.

"Yes," she said and again said nothing else.

"Do I want to know?"

"I don't know do you?" She asked innocently as she continued to smirk.

"No I don't think I do," Booth rumbled. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the workings of her magic fingers. When she had finally finished working, the kinks out she stood up. Booth sat up and sighed.

"You are an angel," Booth said with a charming smile. She smiled the corners of her mouth tilting up. Her eyes danced with laughter as she walked out and leaned against the wall. Booth walked out and glanced around.

"Bones why is the entire squint squad here?"

She held up her finger and the elevator doors opened with a bunch of agents laughing hysterically. Charlie walked off the elevator with neon pink and dark blue circles around his eyes. He went to rub his forehead and left a neon green trail across his forehead. Booth turned suddenly as he heard what sounded like a feminine squeal coming from Roberts' door down the hall.

When he went to the agent's office he saw the man sliding around on the floor trying to keep his balance. He went to reach for the door but Brennan's hand around his wrist stopped him, she shook her head no. He pulled his hand back. Another junior agent ran over to try to save the agent. He grabbed the door and tried to push it open. He stared in shock as a white powder puffed over the office.

The powder hitting the petroleum jelly smeared on everything began to turn a violent shade of purple. Booth jerked to the left when he heard a pop followed by a squeal. He saw a green flame shoot up over everyone's head. Junior agent Jones began laughing until he sat down and felt a squish. Standing up immediately, he squealed like a little girl. Someone had put what looked like bloody half-rotten flesh in his chair.

"Dang it who covered my desk in mold? It's spreading I can't stop it," Jansen yelled from his cubical.

"Why is everything labeled in post it notes? And they're Hello Kitty and they won't come off!" Jackson yelled from his cubicle.

"Hey look Franks has been searching about butt pimples," a junior agent laughed. Franks was frantically trying to close his Internet Explorer but it just kept opening again.

"Oh crap they put a bomb in my pencil drawer," Brown yelled diving from his cubical and hitting the floor with a grunt. Booth walked over to him and looked into the man's cubical.

He tried not to laugh as the yellow mixture that smelled like eggs poured from the pencil drawer. A grin had started to spread as he realized Bones had exacted revenge. T

he squints had moved to the center of the bullpen standing back to back in a tight circle. Moving to the center of the bullpen Brennan let out a shrill whistle. The sounds ringing around the office stopped immediately.

"None of the chemicals used are dangerous. The next time you think you're smart, remember we're smarter. Agent Booth he is one of us, he is ours. Which means if you attack one of us you attack all of us," Brennan said with a satisfied smile.

Turning as one the squints left the bullpen without saying a word. The agents with mouths hanging open looked at Booth. Booth just grinned and began making his way towards the coffee room. His phone buzzed and he looked at the text.

**Brennan: Don't drink the coffee**

Booth did an about face walked into his office grabbed his keys and wallet. Whistling he left the Hoover and headed for the coffee cart.

Cullen looked at his cell phone when it buzzed with a text. He put his coffee cup down before taking a sip. Picking up the phone, he hit the button to see the text.

**Brennan: Deputy Director Cullen I would suggest that you not drink the coffee.**

Cullen strode from his office to hear security down the hall roaring in laughter. Walking to him, he watched as they played the video from moments early. Sighing he ran his hands down his face. The security turned to smile as this sigh. He rubbed his eyes and then put his hand over his mouth rubbing his cheekbones to cover his laugh. Their teeth and tongues were indigo blue. He walked back to his office and sat down. Finally giving in he started to laugh.

"Damned squints," he muttered.

**April 2nd**

Booth strode out of the elevator and tried not to laugh. Agent Bowden had one eyebrow from the green fire. Charlie still had rings around his eyes and a green swatch on his forehead. Jansen's cubical was now completely covered in mold. Booth whistled as he made his way to his office his grin getting larger.

"Agent Booth," Cullen called out. Booth stopped to face him.

"Yes sir," Booth said.

"Next time your squints do their stunts, which were actually funny by the way, make sure they don't do anything that has to send my guys home," Cullen said trying not to laugh.

"Fredericks had to go home because they saran wrapped the toilets and he had bounce back. Lemming had to explain why his urine was neon green to the drug testers. Roberts' office took too long to clean up. Mind you they made it easy for the technicians to clean but they were laughing too hard to get it done quickly," Cullen said in a strangled voice.

"Yes sir. As long as they don't try anything else with me they'll be left alone," Booth promised.

**The End**

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><p><strong>AN So there it is. I was thinking of maybe doing some paybacks but it might take a bit since I'm still working on Dancers on a String. Let me know if your interested! **  
><strong>Just hit that little button, review, ideas for revenge, whatever!<strong>


	2. The Agents Revenge

Disclaimer: I don't own Bones, I'm just having fun with them today!

**The agent pranks were a little harder to figure out but I hope it gives you a laugh.**

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><p>April 3rd<p>

6AM

Dr. Temperance Brennan made her way from the parking garage towards the elevator to the Medico-Legal Lab.

The man behind the security desk called out to her.  
>"Excuse me Ma'm," he said waving her over to the guard station. She suspiciously eyed him having never seen this particular guard before.<p>

"What do you need?" She asked stopping at the desk.

"The Jeffersonian has issued new cards. If you can hand me your old one I will give you your new one," he said politely holding out his hand. She turned over the requested badge and accepted the new one. Clipping the badge on her shirt, she walked to the elevators. She entered the lab looking around sighed in frustration.

"Dr. Saroyan why are there entirely new guards all over the premises?" She called to Cam who was standing near her office door. Cam looked up and walked over to where Brennan was standing.

"There is a new policy that all security must be able to work all buildings. So they are going to be rotating out security personnel for the next few months," Cam explained. Brennan's eyes narrowed but she nodded. As Booth would say her gut was telling her, there was something wrong. She flipped open her phone.

Booth paused when his phone rang, looking at the caller ID he answered.

"Bones, what's up? Repeat that please. No, I'm not laughing at you. Yes, okay so I am laughing at you. Seriously? Okay I'll be there in a few moments." Booth hung up his phone, grabbed his jacket, and left for the Jeffersonian. He didn't pay attention to the soft laughs following him to the elevator.

Brennan watched as the rest of the team arrived that morning. Uncertainties sitting like a knot in her stomach. She leaned over to start her computer when Angela walked into Brennan's office.

"Morning Bren. Oh My God!" Angela screech which caused Brennan to jump. Booth having just arrived made tracks to Brennan's office the rest of the team following behind him. He skidded to halt to find Brennan staring with a completely dumbfounded look on her face at her computer screen. Angela was dancing around and laughing. Turning to the screen his face went beet red.

"BONES, WHAT THE HELL!" Booth bellowed looking at a picture of his head pasted on a naked body. Brennan turned to face him with her eyes glazed over.

"That's not my desktop," was all she said. Hodgins, Cam, and Angela burst into laughter at the pair of them. Angela hurried from the room before Booth's temper exploded.

"Oh MY GOD. WHO HAS BEEN SCREWING WITH MY COMPUTER IT'S ALL IN CHINESE!" Angela screeched in anger from her office. Booth's eyes narrowed and he squinted around the room. He looked at the security camera, and then he pointed at it and hit a button on Brennan's phone.

"Federal Bureau of Investigation," the female voice answered.

"I need to speak with Agent Burns," Booth said briefly.

"He is not available would you like to leave a message," the female said.

"This is Special Agent Booth I would like to be patched to his cell please," Booth demanded just under angry.

"Badge number please," the cool voice said.

"22705," Booth answered.

"Okay Agent I. C. UPEE I'll patch you through right now," the woman said trying not to laugh at his name. Booth closed his eyes and drew in a hissing breath.

"Burns," Charlie answered his phone. Booth looked directly at the camera in the corner of Brennan's office.

"Charlie whatever revenge you all have planned had better be stopped right now. You really don't want to piss these squints off. April Fools was a joke, you do not want them to get serious," Booth warned him staring directly at the camera.

"I have no idea what you are talking about Booth," Charlie said calmly. Charlie saw Booth's jaw tick then the vein near his temple start to pulse.

"Charlie, look at me-"

"Booth Charlie can't see you through the phone," Brennan said looking at Booth. Booth glanced at her then sighed.

"Bones look at the camera in the corner. I am sure they have tapped all the security cameras in the lab," Booth said through gritted teeth. Charlie heard Brennan's slight gasp and grinned.

"Charlie I'm serious you had better think twice if you have anything else planned. Angela is already pissed about the angelator," Booth warned.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Booth," Charlie said then hung up the phone. The agents went back to watching the security cameras waiting for the fun to start.

Brennan opened her book which she distinctly remember leaving open. Opening the document, she gasped then growled in anger. Booth looked over her shoulder and was surprised when she didn't say anything. His face turned red and he groaned the whole story had been turned into a soft-core porn writing. The story used Booth and Brennan as the main characters in the story. At the bottom was a brief author's notation; Email copy to Publisher, DD Cullen, All Jeffersonian Staff and Booth's girlfriend.

"Booth I... I didn't write this and I most definitely did not email this to anyone," Brennan almost stuttered.

"I know Bones. Now I have some explaining to do," Booth growled flipping open his phone to dial Cullen. Angela had finally fixed the language on the angelator then strolled into Brennan's office to find a red-faced Booth and angry Brennan at her desk.

Brennan got up and stomped to the platform. As she crossed the lab, catcalls and whistles followed her. For the first time Brennan blushed at the thought of sex. Walking to the steps, she swiped her card and the light blinked red. Blinking she swiped it again then narrowed her eyes. Striding back to her office she sat down at her desk and pulled up the Jeffersonian security panel. Putting in the card stripe number, she stared agog at the information.

Name: Dr. Morticia Adams

Y.O.B: 1990

-Married to I. C. UPEE

-Platform access denied due to age

Brennan let out a sound that started as a growl but ended in a screech. Booth flinched seeing her face leaned over and sighed again.

"Yes sir. No sir. She did not write that. No, she did not send it. Revenge would be my best guess. Yes. Thank you sir." Booth flipped his phone closed and put his hand on Brennan's shoulder. She flinched away and stood up abruptly. Grabbing her card, she fled towards Limbo. Sliding her card near the door, she nearly cried when it blinked red.

"Dr. B are you having problems with your card?" Hodgins called out as he saw her frustration. She snapped her head around and gave a jerky nod.

"Mine won't let me into my office or on the platform," Hodgins said. He held out his new card and she took it to her office. Sitting back down she input the stripe number from his card.

Name: Dr. Money Bags

YOB: 1825

-Deceased

Booth chuckled as he read over Brennan's shoulder. Hodgins glared snatched his card and stomped to the couch to flop down. Brennan's phone rang and she quickly answered.

"Hi Rebecca. Yes, I know. No, of course I wouldn't send that to you. No I did not write it either. Yes, I know you are no longer Booth's girlfriend." Brennan paused in her conversation as all twelve lines in her office began to light up and ring in a familiar tune of Here Comes the Bride. Her eyes went wide and she shot a glare at Booth.

"I'll call Rebecca so you can get the other lines," Booth whispered.

"Rebecca, Booth says he will call you right now so he can explain. Yes, I know. Thank you. Bye." Brennan hung up the phone and began answering the phone lines. Booth and Brennan spent the next two hours on the phones trying to fix that one email sent.

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><p>Cullen strode into the security office and saw a large TV in the corner split into five screens. He watched as Booth and Brennan fielded calls and most of the rest of the Jeffersonian team run around frantically trying to fix something on their computer systems. The men in the room had not noticed Cullen's entrance.<p>

"Awww man what is he doing? Why is he testing the coffee, dang it he's going to find it," one of the agents grunted.

"He's testing the coffee because he's a genius," Cullen stated watching as the agents jumped at the sound of his voice.

"You guys can have your fun but please do as the Jeffersonian team did and leave me out of it," Cullen said with a smile. Smacking his hand on the doorframe, he turned and left.

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><p>Hodgins came scurrying out of his office. He saw Cam walking by with a cup of coffee in her hand. He snatched it from her hand. Glancing down he noticed that she had only taken a swallow.<p>

"Go get some Pepto-Bismol or you are going to have a long day," Hodgins shouted as he ran to Brennan's office. He came to a skidding halt then strode into the room. Swooping around the room he snatched coffee cups from everyone's hands and hi-tailed it from the room.

Reaching the bathroom, he dumped the coffee then sprinted for the lounge and the coffee maker. Snatching out the two pots sitting there, he ran back to the bathroom and dumped the coffee. Panting slightly he ran back to Cam.

"Can I use your card?" She handed him her card having seen what they had done to Brennan's and Hodgins's cards. He walked swiftly to his office and sat down he began to mix the necessary compounds. When the mixture turned a sickish green color and began to make sulfuric smelling gas he gasped. He picked up the vials opening them one at a time.

"Son of a BISCUIT," Hodgins screamed. He threw the chemical mixture under the hood, closed the door, and then ran for the decontamination shower. The alarms started blaring and everyone came rushing from their offices.

"You know Bones if I weren't in the middle of all this it would be funny," Booth said with a snicker.

"Booth if you keep laughing I will make you go help Hodgins," Brennan said turning around and re-entering her office.

"Why is the lab on lock down?" Cam yelled as she strode through the building.

"They mixed up the labels on my chemicals. I was trying to mix some pepto for everyone who had drank coffee and ended up with hydrogen sulfide," Hodgins gasped as he stood dripping wet with a towel around his waist. Brennan's eyes went wide at the statement.

"Don't worry Dr. B it's under the hood and being taken care of," Hodgins told her. Brennan let out a relieved sigh and Cam looked over at Hodgins in question. Brennan's jaw set and she turned around striding to her office. Glaring at the camera, she picked up the phone and dialed Cullen's office.

"Hi Deputy Director this Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian. I understand this was a joke, revenge, or whatever. However, they have mixed up the labels on the chemicals in the lab and almost had a toxic gas released in the lab. I need to know what else has been done," Brennan ground out in anger.

"Fine sir." She slammed the phone down and strode through her door pushing Booth to the side. Booth jumped when his phone rang.

"Booth. You did what. Oh man okay," Booth said flipping his phone closed.

"Bones there's a body on the way," Booth called out. She stopped in her tracks, spun on her heel, and pinned him to the wall with her glare.

"Excuse me?"

"They already did the crime scene examination and are sending the remains here," Booth said with a gulp. She walked back to her office and grabbed her lab coat.

"I'll be in limbo until the remains arrive," she snarled stalking to limbo. Booth sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Hodgins left the lab wearing a towel and a lab coat to get his extra set of clothes from his car.

As Hodgins approached his mini cooper, two men approached on either side.

"Jack Hodgins?"

"Yes," Hodgins said looking up.

"INS you are being detained as an illegal alien not in possession of a green card. You are being deported back to Ireland," the man said as he grabbed Hodgins by the arm. Hodgins struggled against them but to no avail. An hour later Booth stuck his head in limbo.

"Hey Bones have you seen Hodgins?"

"Yes I have seen Dr. Hodgins Booth I have worked with him many times," Brennan said frowning at Booth.

"I meant have you seen him in the last hour or so Bones," Booth said with a sigh.

"In that case, no I have not seen him," Brennan said going back to her skeleton.

They heard the doors slide open and the sound of voices in the lab. They left limbo and watched as the remains were delivered. Brennan, Cam, Wendell, Booth, and Angela walked towards the card reader. Cam slid her card and they started up the stairs together. They were half way across the platform heading towards the remains when the lights at the corner of the platform began to go off, red lights flared across the platform and foam sprayed from around the edge across the floor.

The group tried to come to a stop but was unable to as their feet made contact with the foam. Their arms began to wave as they began to slide across the platform. The interns came running to stop them from sliding into the tables around the edge of the platform. Angela hit the floor first squealing and reaching for something to stop her from falling. Her hand hit Cam's leg and Angela drug Cam down with her. Cam's leg swung out on her way down hitting Booth who immediately began to fall. Reaching his hand out towards the table, he missed and grabbed Brennan instead dragging her down on top of him with oomph.

"Oh my god Dr. Brennan," Daisy screeched as she barreled onto the platform. She slammed into Wendell who began sliding toward the doctors already on the floor.

"Daisy noooooo," Wendell called out when she collided with him. They slid across the floor and fell flat on top of the doctors lying in a pile.

"Shit, Bones can you please move your knee before you destroy the family jewels," Booth said in a strangled tone. He let out a grunt when Wendell landed on top of Brennan who squashed Booth even more. The other interns stood on the side of the platform. Someone's phone began to ring and everyone began to dig around in their pockets looking for their phones.

"Hello," Angela answered her phone.

"Booth your gun is digging into my-" Brennan was trying to say but was interrupted by Wendell's roar of laughter. Booth grinned at Brennan who scrunched her face in confusion at the pop reference she was missing.

"Remind me to show you the Ace Ventura," Booth strangled out trying not to laugh at her statement.

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><p>Stepping from his office Cullen stopped at the silence in the bullpen. He heard a roar of laughter from the security office. He walked down the hall to find twenty agents crammed into the room. Looking over them, men's shoulders to see the Jeffersonian team piled in the middle of the platform.<p>

"Booth your gun is digging into my-" Brennan was trying to say. The men howled in laughter and then they heard Angela screech.

"You're where! They're deporting you? Oh god okay yeah I can get your passport. Yeah I remember," Angela screeched.

"Who is being deported Ange?" Brennan gasped out as she tried to sit up.

"Bones," Booth gasped as Brennan sat straddled on top of him. Jackson reached over hit a button and the action on the screen froze for a split second.

"Oh I am so blowing that up and framing it for Booth," Jackson snickered.

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><p>Cam slid out from under the pile and tried to stand. She growled in anger at her broken heel and pulled her shoes off.<p>

"Five hundred dollars. These are Louis Vuitton you jerks," Cam screeched towards the cameras. Angela struggled to her feet and began sliding toward the stairs.

"I have to go rescue Hodgie the INS is trying to deport him," Angela said breathlessly.

Wendell was attempting to lift Brennan off of Booth. They were balanced precariously above them when Wendell lost his footing and pushed Brennan back towards Booth. Booth reached his hands up to catch her but missed and caught his thumbs in the armpit of her shirt. With a resounding rip, her shirt tore open with button's flying everywhere. Booth's eyes bugged and he choked off a gasp snapping his eyes shut.

"Booth put me down so I can get up," Brennan screeched.

Booth eased her down and kept his eyes closed as she struggled to her feet. Her eyes flaming blue and her cheekbones red she slid across the platform to her office. Booth slowly got to his feet with a sigh and struggled across the floor. His back was wet and slick with the substance from the floor. Brennan grabbed her change of clothes from her wardrobe and strode stiffly from her office.

Booth's arm shot out and stopped her. She glared up at him daring him to keep her from changing her clothes. He pulled off his jacket and dropped it around her shoulders. She nodded her thanks then strode to the bathroom to change. By the time Cam and Brennan had changed, the platform had been cleaned the location of the sprayer found and turned off. They warily approached the remains on the table Booth only two steps behind. Covered in lab coats and wearing gloves they gather around the remains.

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><p>"They're getting ready to autopsy the body," Brown yelled across the bullpen.<p>

"Oh my wife is going to kill me when she hears about the shoes," gulped Jackson.

There was a mad rush for the security office as the agents tried to cram into the office. They held their breaths as the scalpel in Cam's hand descended towards the remains. They groaned when she stopped and looked up. They saw her leave the remains, walked to the edge of the platform, and swipe her card. Angela and Hodgins joined them near the remains.

"They tried to deport me dang it. I am an American citizen," Hodgins yelled his face turning red.

"We need to finish these remains Dr. Hodgins," Brennan said in a cold clinical tone. Hodgins nodded and took a step closer. Cam's hand descended with the scalpel and made the first incision. They hadn't noticed the strange texture of the skin on the body yet. A fine mist spread and the agents roared in laughter as the scientist jumped back from the remains.

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><p>"Oh lord what is that-" Cam began coughing.<p>

"Old Spice," Booth said while coughing.

Looking up he groaned at the purple splatters all over their faces and in their hair. The agents roared at the purple streak now running up Booth's now untidy hair. They saw Cam continue with the cut into the remains and the agents held their breath. When she hit the abdomen, everyone jumped back again as black nail polish sprayed onto the scientists and Booth. Then a flag popped from the body with a sign.

Paybacks are a bitch – Homicide division.

Brennan let out a strangled screech; she turned on her heel and fled to her office. Booth turned to follow her and Cam held up her hand.

"Booth don't, just let it go. You need to go to the Hoover and stay away from the lab for awhile," she said with authority.

Booth nodded his head looked down at his suit and sighed. Black and purple stained all over his white shirt. Cursing he left the lab and climbed into his Sequoia. He drove to the Hoover, arriving he rode the elevator up to his floor. Grinding his teeth, he stepped out onto the floor. The agents roared in laughter and waved their hands after he passed. He walked to his office and slammed the door.

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><p><strong>AN I'm thinking about turning this into a war ;-) not sure yet. It wouldn't be a regular update thing.**

**Reviews are fun but I understand if you don't want to =).**


	3. Paybacks

Disclaimer: I don't own Bones.

**Okay so I guess war it is. Just so you know every trick they've done here can be done at home with a common household products. Black light invisible paint, laundry detergent. So if you have kids show them how cool squints can really be ;-). Want to know how they did a particular trick shoot me a message and I'll tell you. Or leave a review asking and I'll send you a PM and explain it. **

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><p><strong>Paybacks<strong>

**The Jeffersonian**

**April 4th**

"This means WAR," Cam snarled shoving her Louis Vuitton shoe in Booth's direction.

"Okay so an April Fool's joke gets turned into a war over a pair of shoes?" Booth asked with an incredulous look on his face.

"These are not just shoes. They are Louis Vuitton and they cost me five hundred dollars Booth," Cam snarled in an almost shout.

"Dude, never come between a woman and her shoes," Hodgins offered with a laugh.

"The real question is what side are you on Booth?" Brennan asked from the doorway with a smirk on her face.

"I...uh...umm," Booth said in a flustered tone running his hands through his hair.

"Choose carefully g-man. We have inside knowledge on you," Angela said with a laughing smirk. Oh shit, Booth thought to himself, this was not good.

"I guess I'm with you guys," Booth grumbled knowing he was going to be from the get go. Brennan turned to Hodgins and grinned.

Hodgins turned and scampered to his room. Hodgins had safely disposing of the old chemicals yesterday, he had to wait for his new ones to come by mail. He would be receiving most of his replacements today.

Brennan's grin got even larger and her eyes went evil.  
>"Oh lord," Booth breathed out and rubbed his temples. Cam smirked at the look on Booth's face and followed Brennan.<p>

"Hey Max I have a question for you," Brennan called out with a laugh.

"Okay Tempe what can I do for you?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow. .

She led him out the door and Booth saw Max making motions with his hands. Booth groaned and ran his hands through his hair. He saw Cam smirk and pick up the phone.

He listened incredulously as she spoke briefly with Sweets to set up a meeting tomorrow with herself and the agents. Oh lord she's clearing out the bullpen he thought. Looking around he saw that Brennan had disappeared. He strode from Cam's office and headed towards Brennan's when he heard the sound of a drill coming from ookey room. He stopped in the doorway and saw Hodgins wearing safety goggles and drilling something.

"Hodgins what are you doing?" Booth asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Drilling," Hodgins said with a smile.

Booth sighed and walked to Brennan's office. He stopped in amazement when he passed Angela's door. She was wearing goggles and mixing things in beakers. She had a row of small plastic tubes lined up. She smiled at him but kept mixing.

"Bones, are you declaring war on the FBI?" Booth strangled out as he walked into her office to find her filling a jar with vinegar.

"No Cam declared war. I am only supplying ammunition metaphorically of course," Brennan said with an evil glint in her eye. Max strolled in and set down a container then quietly left.

"Are those eggs?" Booth asked with a stunned look on his face.

"Yes, they are in fact eggs," Brennan said with a smile as she gently laid them in a jar then began pouring vinegar over them.

"Why are you putting vinegar on eggs? Making Easter eggs there Bones?" Booth asked with a smirk in her direction.

"No dad, she's not," Park said strolling through the door.

"Parks what are you doing here?" Booth asked with a smile.

"Science club is over early and Mom won't be here for another hour. So I came to see Bones," Parker said with a smile.

"So if she's not dying the eggs what is she doing?" Booth asked Parker not really expecting him to answer.

"Oh the egg shells are mostly calcium carbonate and when mixed with vinegar which is acetic acid it forms carbon dioxide. See the bubbles, when it's finished the egg will bounce like a rubber ball," Parker said excitedly.

"That was very good Parker," Brennan beamed at Parker who returned her smile.

"Oh my god you HAVE turned my son into a squint," Booth groaned.

"There is nothing wrong with him being interested in science. I make more money than you so logically you should want him to be a scientist right?" Brennan said with a small smile.

"Booonnneeesss that was just wrong on so many levels," Booth groaned.

"Hey Parker," Hodgins called out as he came into Brennan's office.

"Hi Bug man," Parker smiled.

"You busy?" Hodgins asked Parker with a mischievous smile.

"No..." Parker said.

"If it's okay with your dad we can go play in the ookey room," Hodgins offered.

"Can I dad?" Parker asked Booth excitedly.

"Yeah go ahead just no playing with anything dead or dangerous. Got it Hodgins," Booth said.

"Okay," Hodgins said. He and Parker left the office and headed toward Hodgins office.

Brennan burst out laughing when she heard,  
>"We'll be building stink bombs."<p>

"HODGINS!" Booth bellowed from the office door. Angela strode through the door and placed a box on her desk.

"Here you go sweetie," Angela said as she was walking out the door.

"I will return in a moment Booth," Brennan said striding from the door. She returned carrying what looked suspiciously like bottle of water.

"Is that water," Booth asked with a suspicious look on his face.

"No it is not," she told him.

Booth sat there for most of the day watching things amass in her office. Mostly mundane looking things and that is what worried Booth. String? Alcohol? Bouncing eggs? What are they going to be doing with these items?

"Bones, I'm going to go do some paperwork," Booth called out as he strode through the lab.

"I will see you tomorrow Booth," Brennan called from Cam's office. Booth looked over and groaned the squint squad and some interns were sitting there grinning. This was going to be bad he just knew it.

**The Hoover**

**April 5th 8:00AM**

Booth strode off the elevator towards his office and heard the grumbling behind him. Stopping he turned and raised an eyebrow.

"Is there a problem I need to know about?" Booth asked the cranky agents.

"We have a meeting because of the practical jokes. We're probably going to get in trouble," Jackson grumbled.

"I wouldn't know," shrugged Booth. He turned back around and entered his office. He walked over to his desk and sighed. Sitting behind his desk were the items from Brennan's office yesterday. Sighing he sat down and picked up a memo. He was to attend the meeting as well. Rolling his eyes, he got up and walked back to the elevator.

"Where are you going Booth the meeting is in an hour," Charlie called out to Booth.

"I'm going to get coffee Charlie," Booth told him with a frown.

"There's coffee over in the break room," Charlie told him.

"Nuh uh, you ruined Cam's five hundred dollar shoes. I'm not eating, touching, or doing anything in this office until a peace treaty is reached," Booth said and got in the elevator.

Fifty minutes later, he strode into the conference room, which was filled to capacity. Agents were spread across every available space in the room. Booth grimaced this may have gone too far.

"Booth good you're here," Cam said. Brennan's eyes narrowed into slits and her mouth spread into a grin. Booth closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. They sat waiting for 9 o'clock to roll around.

"Does anyone know exactly why we are here?" Brown asked as he looked around at the other agents.

"Probably because you destroyed a five hundred dollar pair of shoes. Maybe because you defiled the house of reason. But if I were to guess I'd say it was the shoes," Booth told them.

Jackson smirked towards Cam. Cam's eyes narrowed and Booth jerked back at the low growl that issued from her throat. Brennan put her hand on Cam's arm and shook her head. Brennan sat back with that same self-satisfied grin on her face that made Booth start to sweat.

"Booth why is your partner so happy?" Lemming asked with a suspicious look on his face.

"I don't know and that scares me," Booth told Lemming. Booth's phone vibrated in his pocket and took it out.

**_Brennan: Just stay away from the break room until this is over._**

Booth sighed again and rubbed his temples.

"Oh and guys I know you're having fun and whatnot but please leave Rebecca out of this. She is my ex-girlfriend not my current one," Booth said with a frown. Charlie snickered and Booth glared at him.

"So you're sticking with the geeks?" Roberts asked with a frown in Booth's direction. Booth chuckled and went to stand behind Bones and Cam.

"I'm with Bones all the way, never doubt it. Besides that's the smart move, they're geniuses," Booth said with a grin. His phone buzzed again and he glanced at it.

**_Brennan: Thank you_**

Booth put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

**_Booth: It's what partners do. Is there a reason you're not saying anything?_**

**_Brennan: I've been told it makes people nervous if you do not say anything and smile._**

Booth started laughing and looked around the room and noticed that agents shifting nervously in their seats. Cam looked up at Booth in question and he just grinned. Booth stood watching the agents shift nervously and glancing at their watches.

His face smoothed out when he saw Cullen walk into the conference room. He handed Cam a stack of papers, she took one and passed the stack. It took about ten minutes to make it around to all of the agents. Cullen sat down and gave them a minute to read the paper. Booth glanced at the paper in his hands.

If you must continue to prank, each other here are the rules:

1. Leave me out of it.  
>2. No interfering with cases.<br>3. No killing anyone.  
>4. No kidnapping.<br>5. Nothing dangerous.  
>6. No complete destruction of federal property.<p>

Signed: Deputy Director Cullen

Cullen stood up looked around the room. He felt his pocket buzz; pulling out his phone, he glanced at the screen.

**_Booth: Don't eat anything from the break room until I say otherwise_**

Cullen nodded in understanding then looked up at the agents in the room.

"I don't understand this childish need you and the squints have for this battle. To be honest I don't really care. Just don't kill each other and leave me out of it. Got it? Good," Cullen said then he turned and left the conference room. Cam stood up, leaned forward on the table, and grinned malevolently.

"It's on gentlemen," she said then stood up straight and left the room. Brennan stood up and Booth followed her out of the room. Charlie pulled on Booth's arm halting him.

"Seriously Booth you're with the squints?" Charlie asked Booth in complete amazement.

"Yep," Booth replied then strode to his office. He grabbed the stack of paper work off his desk.

"It's too dangerous to stay here with you guys so I'll be at the Jeffersonian if you need me," Booth said with a smirk.

When the elevator opened, he got on with Brennan and Cam. He watched the agent's mouth's fall open as Brennan grinned then wiggled her fingers at them. Just before the doors closed, Booth saw something fly across the room.

"What was that?" Booth asked them in a near panicked tone.

"Self propelled stink bombs," Cam said in a calm tone.

"How are they self propelled?" Booth asked truly curious.

"Rubber bands and a trip string. One of the agents must have hit it," Brennan said briefly as if she was talking of the weather.

"I hope Angela was able to hack into the security cameras," Brennan said. Everyone made their way to their vehicles when Angela pulled in behind their vehicles. Booth got out of his SUV and glared at Angela.

"What the hell Angela," Booth yelled.

She hopped out with a smile and Hodgins got out of the passengers side of the van. Squinterns began climbing out and crowded around the rear of the van. Booth stood behind Brennan watching over her shoulder.

Booth watched in stunned amazement as she turned on a computer and five large monitors in the back of the minivan lit up. He jerked his head in closer and his eyes got wide as he realized they were the security cameras from the bullpen.

He watched as the agents made their way to their desks. He saw Brown pick up his soda bottle from his desk. He untwisted the cap, and then Booth saw it a small round thing drop into the liquid. Soda began to shoot out all over Brown who was scrambling. Brown put the cap back on but was unable to screw it tight. He turned it once then stopped when the soda stopped spraying.

"Oh my god this is going to be good," Wendell laughed knowing what was about to happen.

The lid blew off the bottle and the cap went flying. Angela hit a button and switched to another camera. Booth saw Johanason pick up his drink and Booth groaned. The squints were rolling and Booth froze.

"Max," he growled in realization.

He remembered when he had taught that same experiment to Parker. Angela spanned out from Johananson and caught Franks sitting down in his cubicle. They waited and saw him reach over and pick something up his stress ball. Booth swallowed hard as he realized what they had done with the bouncing eggs. Franks began squeezing the egg mindlessly, then he increased his grip and the egg burst all over him.

"I am recording this just because some of the stuff won't show up until later this afternoon, plus the recording will have sound," Angela smirked. Brennan squelched a giggle as she saw Lemming sit down at his desk.

"Hodgins," Cam directed. Booth saw Hodgins pull a small device from his pocket. Hodgins fiddled with it for a moment then saw Lemming's paperwork on his desk burst into flames.

"Hey that's going to destroy his paperwork. Not cool," Booth said a little angry.

Brennan rolled her eyes then waved her hand brushing him off. Before Lemming could attempt to put the fire out, the fire died and Booth's eyes got wide at the sight of the paper work with no burns.

A slow fog started to drift down on the agents and they all looked up their eyes widening in horror. The squints burst into laughter at the look. Angela pulled the camera back even more and Booth's eyes got wide at the glowing balls that were now suspended above the agent's heads. The agents began to scramble to get away from glowing balls that were emitting a fog.

Angela hit a button that showed the agents crowded into the break room. She zoomed in so they could see their faces clearer. Booth swore in a low tone as he saw about twenty clear boxes with some kind of goo in it placed all over the room.

Jones spotted it first and Cam burst merrily into laughter. The clear boxes all had a radioactive sticker on the top. Jones mouth moved and most of the agents froze. Charlie came stumbling into the room and bumped into Jones who in turn bumped into one of the cases. It tipped precariously then fell over and broke. The agents began to sweat. Charlie pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called someone. The squints were rolling in laughter at the horrified look on the agents faces.

"Should we call Cullen and tell him that's not radioactive material?" Angela said after spotting the horrified look on Booth's face.

"Nah let them sit together while the forensics unit tests it," Hodgins said.

"Yeah wouldn't want to be anywhere near that room. Especially since they all were fogged by the stink bombs," Angela's laugh rolled merrily from her.

"Jesus you guys are evil," Booth muttered.

"Okay guys back to the lab, the rest will take time," Cam said.

Everyone climbed into their vehicles and left the parking garage trying to steer straight while laughing. When the squints reached the Jeffersonian, they quickly walked to the lab. Angela swiped her card and walked up to the computer usually used for image enhancement. It had the largest monitor; she sat down and began to type. A moment later, the screen showed the men in the break room.

"God the smell is horrible," Fredericks complained.

"Move it Fredericks I want some ice for what is left of my soda," Brown said carefully moving around the agents.

"Guys Brown is getting ice," Angela called. The team rushed the platform and Booth followed at a more sedate pace. He watched as Brown scooped ice into his cup. Setting the cup on the counter he unscrewed the bottle and poured the soda over the ice. Booth's mouth fell open and he began to laugh as the soda began to boil up and over the rim of the cup. Brown jumped back from the cup swearing loudly.

"What the hell my soda is boiling," Brown yelled.

"What do you mean boiling," Charlie said.

"I mean as in like boiling water for pasta Agent Burns," Brown growled.

"Jesus you guys are just plain scary. Remind me to never piss you off," Booth muttered.

Everyone stopped to turn and look at him. They turned back to the screen and began to chuckle as they watched Charlie pour coffee. He dipped his finger in it and wiped it on a white napkin checking for color. He sniffed it suspiciously. Shrugging he picked up the sugar; the squints inhaled and held their breath in anticipation.

Charlie turned the sugar container over and dumped a large amount into his coffee. The squints burst into laughter. Charlie's coffee began to fizzle and bubble. He jumped back from the cup waiting for it to melt. He stood watching his coffee bubble and fizz; finally, he let out a sigh and dumped it into the sink.

"You know I think Booth knew about this. He got his coffee from the coffee cart this morning," Roberts grumbling.

"You think?" Charlie said with a snicker.

The squints turned to look at Booth with raised eyebrows.

"What? I wanted coffee and I am not drinking from either coffee pots until this war is over," Booth said emphatically. They turned back to the screen and burst into laughter at the sight. A box full of papers and pens were being pushed into the room. Charlie's phone rang and he answered it, he hit a button and put the phone on the table.

"Since you have ticked off the squints and they have exposed you to possible radioactive material you will be kept in the break room until the forensics team can get here. Until then you can do paper work, if it is radioactive material the paper work will be destroyed and you can do it again. Here are copies of your cases and the proper forms you need," Cullen's voice came across the line.

The squints turned and went about their work sniggering as they went. Booth walked to Brennan's office and plopped down on her couch. Leaning over he picked up his pen, which was immediately snatched from his hand. It was quickly replaced with another.

"Bones, what the hell?" Booth asked in frustration at her antics.

"This pen will no longer function properly. So I gave you one that would," Brennan told him primly, throwing the pen in the garbage as she walked out of the office.

Booth let out a sigh and began to work on the paper work that had amassed on his desk in the last few weeks. He jerked up straight two hours later at the sound of several very angry bellows. He was up and moving towards the platform to see what had happened.

"Is everyone okay?" Booth asked almost frantically as he swiped his card and charged up the steps. The squints on the platform were laughing, Wendell had to sit down he was laughing so hard. Booth's eyes immediately shot to the screen to see agents frantically flipping through their paper work cursing.

"I just finished this it took me over an hour to fill out Damn it," Roberts bellowed. This just caused the squints to laugh harder.

"You think they're ready?" Brennan asked between gasps of laughter.

"Yeah we've had enough fun for one day," Cam said giggling. Booth shook his head two sounds he never thought he'd hear. Cam giggling and Brennan laughing right along with her. Angela walked over to the computer and typed in a few things and the lights in the break room went out.

"What the hell now we have to sit in the dark. Damn it," Jones yelled in frustration. Angela hit another button and a black light began to shine from under the camera in the break room. The agents stared in horror as the bowls of goo in the radio active cases began to glow.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," Brown muttered. Then out of nowhere, Charlie began to curse and holler.

"Arrrgghh squints," he bellowed and the squints burst into laughter. Charlie had spotted their message on the wall. Angela moved the camera and Booth saw a glowing message on the wall.

_You may be investigators but be aware,_

_We are smarter and have more flair._

_Booth is ours and what is ours we keep_

_So think long and think deep_

_Because that green glow you have_

_is really not attractive_

_Because that goo is not radio active_

_Love,_

_The Squints_

Booth tried not to laugh but he couldn't help himself.

"Did you have to do it in poetry?" Booth said as he tried to control his laughter.

* * *

><p><strong>AN I am always looking for new ideas for retaliation so feel free to PM me with ideas. As always reviews are good!**


	4. No They Didn't

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bones but I'm still having fun with them.**

**Thanks for the reviews guys! I'm running out of ideas so if have any PM me please...**

* * *

><p>April 4th<p>

7:30 PM

"Hey Cap I need a favor," Jones said into the phone.

"What's up Jones?" His ex ROTC captain asked him with a sigh.

"You know the cadence runs you do for guys who actually enlist?" Jones asked hesitantly but still with a smile.

"Yeah," the captain said shortly.

"Weeelllll I was wondering if you could move them from the National Mall to another location," Jones said with a smile.

"I don't see why not. Why though?" The captain asked confused at the request.

"Because the squints have declared war," Jones said with a smirk.

"I'll take care of it," the captain said with a laugh and hung up the phone.

10PM

"Hey Frankie this is Burns. I need a favor," Charlie said into the phone.

"Yeah whaddya need?"

"Welllllll, I need you to move your DUI check point to this address. Flashing lights the whole nine yards," Charlie said a little hesitantly.

"You paying someone back for something?" Frankie asked in an amused voice.

"Yep," Charlie said with a smirk in his voice.

"Okay give me the address..."

**April 5th**

Brennan groaned, rolled over, and looked at the clock. It read 12AM, what in the heck was that noise outside her apartment. Stumbling from the bed, she walked to the window and looked down. There was an entire city block worth of young men standing in clusters. Sighing she looked down in horror as they formed into blocks with flags. They began to run and called out,

_R is for rough and tough_

_A is for all the way_

_N is for never quit_

_G is for gung-ho_

_E is for excellence_

_R is for Ranger_

"Arrrgghhh," she groaned out. Picking up her phone she hit speed dial one. She heard it ring then she heard him answer.

"Booth," he growled through the phone.

"Booth I'm going to metaphorically kill your ranger ass. Even though I know more than your ass was a ranger," she growled.

"What the hell Bones. What are you talking about?" Booth said with a sigh at her irritation. She flung open her window and held the phone up to the screen. Booth winced on the other side at the sound of the cadence coming through the phone.

"That's what I am talking about," she growled into the phone. Booth sighed he knew the agents had done this. He glanced out his window at the flashing police lights that had been there since 9pm.

"How many units are out there?" He asked her scared to hear the answer. Silence reigned as she counted the blocks.

"Bones are you still there?"

"Yes Booth, I'm still counting the first set just went up the block but there are still quite a few," she snarled into her phone.

"I'm up to twenty and they're still coming," she groaned into the phone. Booth let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes.

"I'd say you could stay here but they've set up a DUI check point outside my apartment and my entire place is covered in flashing lights," Booth told her with a sigh.

"I'll call Hodgins," Brennan said with a sigh. She hung up the phone and dialed Hodgins' number.

Jackson and Fredericks hunkered down next to the wall.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Fredericks asked Jackson in a quiet whisper.

"Yes, I worked for a security company to get through college. These lines are all different buildings. Now let's see this is an ADT set up. All I have to do is," Jackson said quietly as he took out a pair pinchers. He placed the pinchers over the line and squeezed. Fredericks almost jumped out of his skin when the alarms in the house began blaring. Fredericks grinned and high fived Jackson. Jackson shuffled around in his bag. Pulling out a box he set it on the ground, then adjusted the pinchers in place. Jackson fiddled with a few buttons as Fredericks watched over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Fredericks asked as the lights around the house lit up.

"Setting it to apply pressure at random intervals. Now shut up and let's move," Jackson said and the men scrambled away from the wall and into the darkness.

"Hello," Hodgins answered his phone in an irritated tone.

"Hello Hodgins. Is there anything going on at your house at the moment?" Hodgins looked at his phone and sighed.

"Yes, Dr. B there is. Something is setting off my house alarm every fifteen minutes. I've spent the last hour on the phone with ADT answering their calls. I've finally gotten them to realize that there is something wrong with the alarm. They said they would send someone tomorrow to check on it," Hodgins groaned out when he heard his house alarm go off again. Brennan let out a sigh and rubbed her temples.

"Okay thanks Hodgins. I'll see you in the morning," Brennan said then flipped her phone closed.

She picked up her phone and dialed Booth again.

"Booth," he answered tiredly.

"Booth, Hodgins house alarm keeps going off every fifteen minutes so he's not sleeping either," Brennan said with a frown.

"Okay well I guess I'll see you in the morning," Booth said with a sigh then flipped his phone closed.

Walking to living room where the flashing lights were less prominent he flopped down on the couch and pulled the afghan over his body. Reaching around he found a pillow, pulled it over his head, and went to sleep.

Brennan glared at her window then stalked to the living room and lay down on her couch. Groaning she realized that there was a window and sound was coming in through the glass. Standing up she went to her room, grabbed the comforter, two pillows, and stalked to the bathroom. Flinging her comforter and pillows into the tub, she climbed in and curled up to sleep.

Jansen smirked as he set the radio unit down on the ground. He approached the bushes lining the edge of Dr. Saroyan's driveway and put it down.

He punched in the numbers to set the timer then adjusted the frequency until he heard the sound he wanted to hear. Ducking into the bushes he watched as Dr. Saroyan looked out her window. Moving the transmitter back into the edge of the bushes he hit the repeat button and took off at a run. Reaching his car parked two blocks away he climbed in and calmly drove away with a smirk.

Cam heard her car alarm go off and she shot out of bed. Grabbing her gun, she crept to the front of her house. Scanning the yard, she didn't see anything, so she grabbed her key fob and turned off the alarm then relocked the doors, which automatically reset the alarm.

She went back to her bedroom and lay down to go back to sleep. She had just gotten comfortable when her car alarm went off again. Groaning she got up and went to the front of her house. Looking around she didn't see anything so she reset her car and went back to her room grumbling about stupid cats. She spent the rest of the night laying on her couch resetting her car alarm every twenty minutes to half an hour.

**6AM**

Each of the squints with blurry eyes looked at their alarm clocks and groaned.

Rolling from the tub Brennan pulled the blankets out and took her shower.

Cam groaned and rolled off the couch heading to her bathroom to get ready for the day.

Booth sighed and tried unsuccessfully to get off his couch. Instead, he fell in the floor with an ommphhh and winced at the pain shooting up his back. He stood up and limped to the bathroom to get ready for what looked to be a very long day.

Hodgins had not slept at all. He was stunned that Angela had managed to get any sleep at all. They grumbled together about the stupid alarm then went about getting ready for work.

Brennan stepped from the shower and scowled at her phone, which was ringing.

"WHAT," she answered in a disgruntled tone.

"Nice greeting there, Bones. I'm going to need a big favor today," Booth said hesitantly. Brennan rolled her eyes.

"What do you need Booth?" She said in a softer, less angry tone.

"I'm going to need you to fix my back," he said with a wince.

"What happened to your back?" She asked in a confused tone.

"I slept on the couch," he grunted.

"Okay I'll see you at the lab then," she said with a sigh.

Flipping the phone closed she rubbed her eyes tiredly and got dressed for the day. She went down to her vehicle and tried to get out of her parking garage. She hit the brakes as another unit ran by calling out the same repetitive cadence she had heard all night. One of the men in charge saw her and stopped the units so she could pull out. She pulled out on to the street and almost cried at the sight of even more units down the block. She began driving towards the Jeffersonian.

Booth climbed into the Sequoia and pulled away from his apartment. An officer at the DUI checkpoint stopped him.

"Excuse me sir, were you out last night?" Booth raised his eyebrows and winced at the pain that shot up his back.

"No sir I have not. If you have been paying attention you would have seen me pull into traffic from my parking spot not five feet away," Booth growled.

"There is no reason to be belligerent sir. Keep it up and you will be given a sobriety test," the officer threatened.

"If you choose to do that I need you to call my boss and let him know why you are making me late," Booth said with an eye roll.

"Why would we call your boss? We don't do that," the officer stated.

"Because my boss is Deputy Director of the FBI Sam Cullen," Booth said with a smirk as he flipped out his credentials.

"Yeah, okay sir. I can see you are wearing a suit and are ready to go to work. I don't smell any alcohol so you can pass," the officer said waving him through the checkpoint. Booth slid on his sunglasses and drove towards the Hoover to get his paper work.

Cam strode to her car and walked around it looking for something that might have been setting the alarm off all night. Not seeing anything she climbed into her car and pulled smoothly out into traffic then headed towards the Jeffersonian.

Hodgins and Angela were bickering back and forth at each other as they climbed into their vehicles and headed to the Jeffersonian.

Brennan looked up and saw flashing lights behind her then she pulled to the side of the road. She waited for the police officer to approach her vehicle. She was unsure as to why she was being stopped she wasn't speeding. The officer knocked on her window and she put it down.

"License and registration please," the officer demanded gruffly.

She pulled her registration from the glove box then dug in her bag for her license. The officer's eyebrows rose as he viewed the items visible in her bag. He took her license and registration then walked back to his car. She waited tapping her fingers on the steering wheel in irritation. The cop came back to her car and leaned towards her window.

"Ms. Brennan I need you to step from the car," the office said briskly.

"First of it is Dr. Brennan and second of all why?" She said with a slight snarl in her voice.

"Please step from the vehicle Dr. Brennan," the officer said in a firm tone. Brennan opened the door with a sigh and stepped from the vehicle.

"Ma'm I would like you to take nine heel to toe steps down this line then turn and take nine heel to toe steps back," the officer requested.

"You are giving me a field sobriety test at 6:45 in the morning?" Brennan said with her mouth clenched and her eyes wide.

"Yes ma'm I am. So please proceed," the officer said firmly. Brennan sighed and did as the officer asked her.

"Now ma'm can you recite the alphabet, backwards," the officer said with a slight smirk. Brennan paused for a second then smirked.

"Z,Y,X,W,V,U,T,S,R,Q,P,O,N,M,L,K,J,I,H,G,F,E,D,C,B,A," she said in a clipped tone.

"Dr. Brennan you are under arrest for driving while under the influence. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right-"

"To an attorney and if I can't afford one, one will be appointed. I know the Miranda rights officer," Brennan snarled.

The officer handcuffed her and she frowned as she saw several vans parked nearby on the side of the road. The officer took Brennan's keys from the ignition, locked her vehicle, and then escorted her to the police car. She sat in the back a glare on her face when heard her phone ring.

"Officer, please let me answer my phone. It's probably my partner and he will get worried if I don't answer the phone," Brennan said calmly.

"I'm sorry ma'm I can't do that. You can use your one phone call to contact your partner if that is what you wish to do," the officer said firmly.

"I just might do that," Brennan said with a smirk.

Booth had gone to the Hoover and retrieved what he was working on for the day. He then headed to the Jeffersonian to see if Brennan could fix his back. He had his brace in the truck if she couldn't and he groaned at the thought of having to wear it again. He strode through the doors and flinched at the evil looks that were being tossed around. He dragged his hand down his face and looked around.

"They got to you guys too didn't they?" Booth asked with a loud groan. Hodgins, Angela, and Cam glared at him with their arms crossed over their chests.

"Well at least you didn't get any sleep either," Cam glowered at him.

"Where's Bones?" Booth asked with a groan.

"I do not know she has not shown up yet today," Angela said in a clipped tone.

Booth's eyes went wide and he strode to her office. Looking around he saw that her bag was not there. He flipped open his phone and hit speed dial one. The phone rang to voice mail and he started to pace. After pacing for another five minutes he called again and again it rang through to voice mail.

He gingerly sat down at her desk and flipped through her organizer looking to see if she had an appointment that she hadn't told him about. Seeing nothing he began to worry, when he was about to call to the Hoover to see if they had broken one of the rules and kidnapped her, his phone rang.

"Booth," he answered.

"Is this Seeley Booth?" A bored voice on the other line asked. Booth began to sweat this didn't feel right.

"Yes it is," he answered. There was silence then a shuffle then more silence.

"Booth," Brennan's voice said and he sighed.

"Bones where are you?" Booth said in an angry tone. He heard her sigh on the other end of the line.

"They've arrested me for driving while under the influence," Brennan said.

"WHAT?" Booth bellowed and everyone in the lab stopped to stare towards her office.

"Yeah I need you to bail me out. This is completely unjustified, you know I would never drink and drive. Or drink this early in the morning for that matter. I don't understand why I was stopped in the first place. Maybe we should call Caroline," Brennan paused as she heard a choked gasp behind her. Seeing the officer's face, she smirked.

"Can you come get me? Then I'll contact Caroline about this situation," Brennan said.

"No I'll Caroline, you stay put I'll be right there," Booth said with a frown. He picked up his jacket and headed for the door.

"Did you find out where Bren was Booth?" Angela called from the platform as Booth strode past.

"She was arrested for DUI this morning. I'm going to bail her out," Booth called out as he strode past leaving a stunned team behind him.

He flipped open his phone and made a call he didn't want to have to make ever again. Booth strode into the Metro police department with his interrogation face on. Glaring at the camera's he pointed and waggled his finger in a no no gesture.

He knew that the FBI had tapped the camera so they could watch this go down. Coming in behind him, he heard Caroline Julianne grumbling, she stopped abruptly to keep from running into Booth.

Brown looked at the camera and grinned. Booth was on to them. But what could he do. His mouth fell open as Caroline Julian walked in the door behind Booth.

"Oh shit," Brown muttered. Standing up he ran towards the bullpen.

"Charlie if you're here you had better hide. Caroline was just called down to Metro," he bellowed as he rounded the corner.

Brown saw Charlie's face go white as he jumped to his feet and ran for the elevators. Chuckling Brown turned back around and made his way back to the camera. He laughed as he watched the irritated Dr. Brennan pace in a cell with prostitutes and vagrants.

"Cheri what the hell is going on here?" She demanded with her arms crossed and her toe tapping.

"I'm not sure myself Caroline. All I know is that Bones has been arrested for DUI and we both know that's bull crap," he growled as he walked to the counter. Caroline set her brief case on the counter then scowled at the officer behind it. He took a step back and asked if he could help them.

"You sure can. You can give me the list of charges against Dr. Brennan," Caroline demanded in a loud tone. The officer looked at her then at Booth whose eyebrows lowered. The officer took another step back.

"And you would be?"

"Who do you think I am? Some people just got no sense at all, none," Caroline said with a nod of her head. Booth smirked then raised his eyebrow at the officer.

"Can I help you sir?" The officer asked him as he printed out the list of charges on Brennan.

"I'm Special Agent Seeley Booth. I'm here to bail Dr. Temperance Brennan out," Booth said with an evil grin.

"Before you go doing that Cheri give me a moment. I believe they are going to be letting her go after they buff her nails and polish her shoes," Caroline said with a frown.

"This report is incomplete. Why was she stopped in the first place? Why was she arrested when she passed all the sobriety tests?" Caroline spouted her questions. Booth's face grew dark at each question Caroline asked the officer. The office swallowed hard at the look on Booth's face.

"I uh uh let me get the arresting officer," the officer behind the counter stumbled back. Booth took a seat and Caroline sat next to him reading the print out.

"There is something fishy about this," Caroline grumbled.

"It's probably the guys from the bullpen screwing with us," Booth muttered.

"Excuse me Cherie?" Caroline asked her brow lowering in a frown. Booth sighed and then frowned.

"For April Fool's Day the guys took the screws from the back of my chair, when the back fell off I hurt my back. Bones came to fix my back, well the squints took offense pranked the guys in the bullpen. It started a war and I think this part of the paybacks. More than likely they tagged her as a DUI second offense," Booth grumbled.

"Do you mean to tell me that I've been dragged into one of ya'll stupid games? Oh no, I am not playing this anymore. I will help the good doctor this time since I am already here. But mind you, I'm not doing it again. You got that?" Caroline stood up and walked to the counter then banged on it. A different officer strode in and glared at Caroline across the counter.

"Um Officer Harrison I really wouldn't-" Booth was interrupted.

"What the hell are you doing in my station Agent Booth," the officer growled at him. Booth raised his eyebrow at the officer.

"Harrison I would suggest that you show a little respect. You know as well as I do that when Bones gets out of jail she WILL remember your name this time. Now stop and think, do you really think that it is a good thing?" Booth asked Harrison with a snide smirk. Harrison rolled his eyes and tossed the keys on the counter.

"Go let her out," he grumbled.

"When you talk to Charlie tell him I said that I am going to tell her exactly what happened here," Booth said with another smirk. Booth picked up the keys and walked back to the holding cell. Unlocking the door, he swung it open.

"Let's go Bones. You're outta here," Booth said. She stood up and he backed up a step as she walked by. He looked closer and ran his hand down his face. Slamming the door closed on the various other occupants.

"Bones wait up. What's wrong it's not on your permanent record or anything," Booth called out jogging to catch up to her. He almost slammed into the back of her; she turned on her heel and pointed upwards. Booth's eyes traveled from her clenched jaw up her arm to her pointed finger. Just past the pointed finger, Booth saw a TV.

Roberts stood in the bullpen watching the local news station flashing news updates. He watched the sobriety test and arrest of Dr. Temperance Brennan with a smirk. Laughing he left the bullpen and headed to his office. That'll teach those smart-ass squints to screw with them. Glancing at his watch, he grinned it wasn't even lunchtime yet.

On the TV Brennan was pointing to was her sobriety test and arrest. Booth sighed and ran his hand down his face.

"Let's go Bones. We need to get you back to the Jeffersonian before the press gets here," Booth said tugging on her arm.

Booth pulled her along and scanned out the doors. He pulled her out and down the street. They had just climbed into the Sequoia went the vehicle was surrounded by journalists. Brennan's jaw clenched and Booth hit the lights. The minutes the lights and siren came on the journalists stepped back.

Booth pulled through the journalist and took the long way to the Jeffersonian. Booth smiled, then pulled over and parked. Jumping out he walked off, leaving Brennan half-asleep in the truck. When he got back in he passed her a coffee cup and she smiled her thanks. They headed to the Jeffersonian.

"Bren there you are! What happened?" Angela called out when she spotted her friend.

"I got arrested for DUI. I'm not sure why they asked me to recite the alphabet backwards and I did it," she mumbled. Booth burst into laughter and Angela joined in with his laughing.

"Sweetie usually only drunk people attempt that one. If you're sober you realize you learned the alphabet in one direction," Angela explained.

"So you can't say your alphabet backwards?" Brennan looked at them in confusion.

"No Bones that's not normal," Booth said with a smile. Brennan shrugged her shoulders and walked off. The squints all walked to their respective offices to slump on their couches and nap.

Brennan strode into her office with the intention of getting some work done, she stopped suddenly with a gasp.

"I'm sorry Booth. Here let me fix your back," she said turning around. Booth turned his back to her and slightly lifted his arms. Brennan wrapped her arms around him and hooked them behind his neck. With a slight bend and twist, she heard his back pop into place. He sighed in relief at the easing of his pain.

"Thanks Bones," Booth grunted.

Brennan sat down at her desk and Booth flopped down on her couch. The quiet hum of the lab had the scientist falling asleep at their respective offices.

The blaring of the alarms on the platform made everyone jump and scramble to the platform. The guard swiped his card and looked around, shrugging at the scientist, he went back to his post. Booth sat back down on the couch in Brennan's office and picked up his pile of paper work.

A quiet curse slipped from his mouth as he realized he had inadvertently picked up the wrong paper work. Glancing at the folder he realized why, the guys apparently changed the manila folders around on his paper work. Groaning he stood up and grabbed his jacket.

"I have to go to the Hoover the guys screwed with my files," Booth said with a frown. Brennan looked up then glanced at her watch.

"Well it's almost lunch time so why don't I go with you and we can eat at the diner on the way back," Brennan suggested. Booth's eyebrow raised but he shrugged and gestured for her to go first.

"We're going to go grab my paper work then eat lunch at the diner," Booth called out as they walked across lab towards the door.

Fredericks grinned as the finish locking the mechanism down. He saw the elevator doors open and he quietly slid around the other side of the car, he froze when he saw Booth's eyes skitter his way. Skirting open areas, he slid to the back of the parking garage and slid out into the sun light. Walking calmly towards his vehicle he climbed in and drove off.

Booth and Brennan stepped off the elevator and Booth put his hand out to stop her. He had seen a movement from the corner of his eye. His eyes skated around the parking lot but he didn't see anything else. Putting his hand down he turned toward the Sequoia and unlocked the door. Brennan stopped on her side and raised her eyebrow.

"I thought I saw something," Booth said with a shrug.

They climbed into the vehicle and headed to the Hoover. They rode the elevator up in silence until they reached the floor where his office was located. The doors opened, Booth's mouth fell open, and his face turned red. Brennan's eyes bugged and she growled. Then lights flashed as pictures were taken from around the bullpen. Blinking to clear their eyes of the flash, they exited the elevator.

Brennan's eyes narrowed as she stomped towards the very large banner hanging from the ceiling. Printed on the banner was a picture of her straddling Booth when they were on the platform, it looked very sexual in nature. Glaring she scanned the room but all the agents in the bullpen seemed to be doing something as if nothing was going on.

Growling she snatched it down bringing some of the ceiling tiles with it. She rolled it up and tucked it under her arm. Booth ground his teeth and stalked to his office, flipping through his files he found the one he needed and snatched it up.

"Let's go Bones we have a pow wow to convene at lunch," Booth growled. Some of the agents in the bullpen flinched. Up until that point, they had not realized that Booth was not actively involved in the actual pranks. They had not realized that he was just an innocent bystander of sorts. Brennan smirked as she strolled to the elevator.

"You know Booth I wouldn't be worried too much. Because," she glanced at her watch "Caroline is due out of court in about ten minutes." A grin spread across Booth's face as he caught on to what she was saying. He looked around the bullpen and saw several agents go pale.

"Yeah well Bones I plan to get involved now so come on, chop chop," Booth said with a smirk. They left the Hoover and headed to the diner. When they arrived, the squints turned to stare, Angela's mouth quirked up at the corner.

"So was that as much fun to do as it was to watch. Because they just sent us emails with a picture of that banner," Angela smirked. Booth's face went red and Brennan's eyes narrowed. Sitting down Booth and Brennan placed their orders but said nothing else.

"Let me guess big guy, you're all in now aren't you?" Cam said with a smirk snatching a fry off Booth's plate after it arrived.

"Yep," Booth said smacking her hand then shooting a fake glare at Brennan when she filched a fry off his plate.

"Eat your salad Bones and leave my fries alone," Booth said with a teasing glint in his eyes.

"So what are we going to do?" The squints got down to business of planning.

Booth and Brennan were driving up to the Jeffersonian when he heard Brennan's strangled screech. Booth glanced at her and saw her staring out the windshield. Ducking his head a little, he saw the banners hanging next to the doors of the Jeffersonian banners advertising the newest museum exhibit. Booth hit the gas and pulled in next to Brennan's car. He jumped out and began to run towards the front of the Jeffersonian.

Brennan reached the sidewalk at the same time as the rest of the team turned the corner walking back from the diner. They gasped in unison and the entire team took off at a run. The banners showed various pictures of the scientist when they had fallen on the platform. One picture showed Angela's hand grasping Cam's leg in what looked like a compromising position with 'Medico-Legal lab reaches out a helping hand'.

One banner showed the pile of interns on top of Brennan and Booth, which looked like some type of strange orgy, underneath, were the words ' Your gun is digging into my hip'.

Of course, the banner with Brennan straddling Booth was on each side of the door and was the largest of the banners hanging with the word 'Scientific research at its best'.

Cam strode into the museum and spoke briefly with the guard who followed her back outside. He looked up at the banners and shook his head. Cam pointed and spoke heatedly; the guard shook his head then went back inside the building. Cam walked back to them with a frown on her face. Booth glanced at Brennan and sighed he saw the anger snapping from her eyes.

Jones was standing across the street laughing so hard he couldn't catch his breath. He began snapping pictures when the squints were running across the front of the museum. He continued to laugh and take pictures until he go funny looks until people began to gather around him to see why he was laughing.

"The guard is gathering janitors, ladders and hooks so we can take those down," Cam growled. It took the guard about five minutes. Booth heard the sound of faint laughter over his shoulder. Turning around his mouth fell open at the sight of a large group of people across the street from the museum. They were pointing, laughing, and taking pictures. He saw Jones standing in the middle taking pictures.

"Damn it," Booth muttered under his breath not wanting to alert the others. His eyes trained on Jones who waved and smiled when he realized he had been spotted.

The janitorial staff handed over the ladders and hooks then stood back to watch as the PHD's climb the ladders to rip down the banners. Leaving the hooks on the ground, Booth, Brennan, Hodgins and Cam climbed the ladders and ripped the banners down by hand. Tossing them on the ground, they carefully climbed down the ladders.

"Bonfire at my house tonight," Hodgins yelled as they rolled up the banners and stalked off toward the lab. As they rode the elevator up silence ruled.

"Oh my god," Cam gasped out as they stepped into the hallway around the lab. Every five feet there was a banner with a different picture hanging along the hallway. Nothing was done in the lab that day as every intern and scientist spent their day taking down the banners.

"I've had enough. I'm tired and I am going home," Brennan said in a voice that made her interns turn tail and run. Everyone decided to leave with her and followed her into the elevator. Everyone froze at their vehicles when they saw a truck loading up Angela's minivan onto the back of a tow truck.

"What the hell do you think you're doing," Angela screeched at the man. He handed her the tow order and just smiled as he continued to load her van onto the back of the truck.

"I do not have 174 unpaid parking tickets. I do not owe eight thousand dollars in fines," Angela screeched in anger.

"What in the hell? There is a boot on my car," Cam growled in rage. She stared at the boot on her tire and called the police to come remove it.

"Come on Ange, we'll follow and I'll get your van out of impound," Brennan said with a sigh.

Angela climbed into Brennan's car near the point of tears. Brennan drove to the police station to pay the tickets, however they could find no record of the tickets.

The spent three hours figuring everything out and the police released Angela's van from the impound lot. However, Brennan still had to pay the impound fee.

Paying the fee Brennan climbed into her car and Angela drove her van to Hodgins house then stumbled into the house completely exhausted.

Brennan drove to her apartment and almost burst into tears at the sight of the units still running around her block. She pulled into the garage then went up to her apartment. Sitting on her couch, she picked up her cell phone and hit speed dial 1. She heard the phone ring then an answer.

"What?" Booth answered the phone completely cranky from the entire day.

"Never mind," Brennan whispered and hung up the phone. Booth feeling like a complete ass quickly called her back. She answered right before it went to voice mail.

"Brennan," she said in a clearly irritated tone.

"Hey Bones, sorry about that I'm just a little cranky about today," Booth apologized to her in a quiet tone.

"They're still running Booth," Brennan said in an angry tone.

"Yeah I should have remembered it's a twenty-four hour run so they will be running until midnight," Booth explained then he heard her groan.

"Why don't you come over here and crash on the couch," Booth offered.

"Okay I'll be there in half an hour. We need to get a case soon," Brennan grumbled.

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><p><strong>AN Sorry about the infrequency of updates but this is the only story I haven't written out ahead of time. So it's not complete before I started posting. I write when my muse on the other story I'm working on takes a break =).**

**Reviews and ideas are awesome...**


	5. Still Think You Can Take Us?

Disclaimer: I don't own Bones.

**Thank you all for your reviews. This will be the last chapter because basically I ran out of ideas =). So enjoy!**

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><p>April 20th<p>

A few weeks had passed as cases took precedence over the war. After the paper work had been filed and evidence turned over the squints got to work. Booth had been given a tasked and according to the squints, he had performed admirably. Booth strode into the lab to find Hodgins leaning over the table in his office mixing different powders and muttering.

"This will slow down the process, this will change the color. Hey Booth pick a color, one you would never want to see on your body," Hodgins said looking up at his door with a grin. Booth paused for a moment and knowing Hodgins, it had something to do with the war.

"Green, most definitely green," Booth said.

"Yeah okay I would have picked either green or black so we'll go with green," Hodgins said with a smirk as he picked up a flask and mixed another white powder into the powder in the vial. Putting a stopper on the vial, he set it to the side. Rolling his eyes, Booth walked to Brennan's office and sat down on the couch.

"Hello Booth," Brennan said without looking up.

"Heya Bones," Booth said.

"Why are you here? Do we have a case?" Brennan asked as she continued clicking on her computer.

"No, currently I am not welcome at the Hoover, since there is no case they think I'm spying for the war," Booth said with a smirk.

"Were you?" Brennan said with a grin.

"No they weren't talking about it," Booth said with a grin. Cam strode into Brennan's office with a frown.

"We need to go after their cars; do you know how long it took me to get that boot thing straightened out?" Cam snarled still angry about the boot on her car.

"Huh I still owe Bren a lot of money for my car," Angela snorted as she walked in and flopped down. A grin spread across Brennan's face and the women began to grin as well. Brennan looked at Booth in question.

"What do you need Bones?" Booth said with a grin.

"Pictures of their personal vehicles," Brennan said shortly. Standing up Brennan walked over to him and handed him a camera. Booth choked at the look of the thing.

"Just hit this button to take a picture," Brennan said pointing to a button. Booth nodded, stood up, and left the lab heading back to the Hoover parking garage for recon. Everyone in Brennan's office looked up as a deliveryman came in carrying a large box. Brennan smirked as she accepted the box.

"Breennnnn…what do you have there?" Angela asked in an interested tone.

"Shorts and tank tops," Brennan said quickly.

Angela walked over, took the box from her hands, setting it down on the couch she tore the tape off of the box. Opening the box, Angela frowned in confusion at the mass of pink shorts and yellow tops in the box. Pulling them out she held them up in confusion. In her hands, Angela held a large pair of pink boy short shaped shorts with the word luscious across the butt.

"Sweetie since when did you wear shorts like these? And since when did you wear such a large size?" Angela asked still confused at the shorts.

Brennan gave a low evil chuckle that caused Cam and Angela to look at her in surprise. Brennan stood up, walked out to the platform, and spoke briefly with Fisher who nodded then grinned. Brennan descended the platform and strode back to her office with a wide grin. Hodgins followed her into her office with a grin.

"Is everything ready baby?" Angela asked with a grin, Hodgins returned the grin and nodded.

"Wendell is teaching Daisy what she needs to know right now," Cam said as she saw Wendell talking to Daisy.

"What about Clark?" Brennan asked Cam who smiled at the question.

"Oh he and I had a nice discussion and he will be borrowing your camera tomorrow. Booth has also already talked to the manager at the rink. According to Booth he had a hard time explaining everything, the man was laughing too hard at his request," Angela said with a smirk.

"I was quite happy keeping it in the scientific field until they posted the banners. After that all gambling is off," Brennan said with an evil glint in her eye.

"Bets, Dr. B, all bets are off," Hodgins corrected. The group in the office sat huddled together discussing their plans until Booth returned with pictures. Uploading them Brennan printed them out and made sure that Daisy received the pictures with specific instructions.

Three hours later Charlie found Booth in the gym sparring and decided to call the guys down to have some fun. The men at war came down to the gym and quickly changed into their work out clothes and stomped into the gym.

"Booth, we would love to box with you," Lemming called out with a smirk. Booth grinned and gestured for them to join him. They spent the next two hours in the ring with Booth and were definitely sorry for it. Booth pulled off his gloves then his headgear. Looking around at the agents, he let out a chuckle.

"I'm older and you all still can't keep up with me tut, tut," Booth teased them as he headed to the showers.

Booth saw Fisher slip from the doors and chuckled to himself. Knowing Brennan, there was going to be some sort of surprise for the guys. Booth quickly showered and changed back into his work clothes. As he was headed across the lobby he saw Clark visible, but only if you really looked for him. Walking over to him, he looked at the camera in his hands.

"Are these going to be the pictures for tomorrow night?' Booth asked him with a wide grin.

"Yeah, now go away or I won't get any," Clark hissed. Booth nodded, strolled away from Clark then walked to his SUV. Sitting in the SUV, he saw the guys come scurrying out and burst into laughter. They were dressed in baby pink boy shorts that had the words luscious across the butt, pale yellow camisole style tank tops that said hottie on the front, and lord help them pink sneakers with yellow socks. Booth picked up his phone and hit speed dial one. He couldn't even make a coherent response when Brennan answered the phone.

"Bones...dear lord...They...oh my god...they're wearing pink...and Clark got pictures...oh lord..." Booth gasped out as tears rolled down his face. Brennan smiled smugly at Booth's laughter.

"Yes, I'm sure it was very funny now go home and go to bed. You have a big game tomorrow," Brennan said with a smile.

"G'night Bones," Booth said with a smile.

"Good Night Booth," Brennan said before she hung up the phone. Booth watched as Clark left the Hoover lobby and headed towards his car. When the scientist started his car and drove away Booth started his engine then headed for home.

April 21st

The next morning Booth strode through the door and burst into laughter again as he saw the shots Clark had taken.

"Clark, my man, those shots are awesome," Booth called out his voice full of laughter.

"Thanks Booth," Clark called back.

The rest of the day people would burst into random laughter as the screens around the lab flashed with various pictures. Hodgins had left early for the day in preparation for revenge everyone else finished the day at a normal pace. When the day wound to a close there was a brief meeting, discs changed hands, Booth and Wendell were wished luck and sent on their way.

Brennan was the last to leave the lab. Driving over to the Hoover, she walked through the bullpen making sure the men saw her as she walked to Booth's door. Using his keys, she unlocked his office and dropped the empty file on his desk. Leaving his office, she relocked the doors and left the Hoover. The agents watched her go with wary eyes.

Brennan made her way home and quickly changed into her Flyers jersey that Booth had given her last year. Putting on her coat then her gloves, Brennan left her apartment and headed for the ice rink. Arriving at the same time as the others, she joined them as they made their way into the rink. As they sat down Cam was trying to explain how the finals went and how teams were eliminated.

"Okay so I think I have it now. If Booth's team wins then they go on to the championships," Brennan said.

"Yeah that sums it up nicely," Cam said with a smile. In the locker room, the guys were giving Booth a hard time about Brennan.

"So you brought your own rink bunny?" Roberts teased Booth with a smirk.

"No I brought an entire cheering section, more of them happen to be women," Booth smirked back at Roberts.

"Yeah right Booth, they're here for Wendell," Brown called to him. Booth lifted his eyebrow and looked at Wendell who just laughed.

"Yeah right, maybe the interns but the others they're here for Booth," Wendell called. The team laced up, walked to the edge of the rink, and stopped.

"Since tonight is a finals match, we will be announcing each player as they take the ice. Their names, pictures, position, and stats will flash on the scoreboard. First for the local Federal team is Seeley Booth," the announcer called. Booth stepped out onto the ice and skated around the rink, grinning as the squints started chanting his name, the rest of the crowd joining in with the chant.

"Next for the Federal team is Dr. Wendell Bray," the announcer called out. Wendell took to the ice and skated his lap with the squints starting a chant with his name. Coming to a stop next to Booth he looked over and smirked as Booth started to chuckle.

As Roberts took the ice, the crowd roared in laughter, glancing around his eyes were drawn to the scoreboard. There in the middle on the largest screen was a picture of him wearing his luscious shorts. His face turned a crimson color as he finished his lap and joined Booth and Wendell.

"I am going to kill you Booth, you set us up," Roberts snarled with a smile on his face.

"You asked for it. I told you about taking on the squints. If I were you, I'd wave the white flag," Booth said still grinning. Booth shot a wink at Brennan who was laughing so hard her eyes were watering. The rest of the team took their laps of shame, to the sound of the crowd's laughter. After the state police took the ice, Booth took his position.

"You know the local boys will never respect us now right?" Jones growled at Booth from his left.

"Not us, just you guys," Booth said his voice heavy with laughter. By second period, Booth's team was ahead but the boys on the bench were starting to shift uncomfortably. Booth having been thrown in the penalty box glanced over at Hodgins who was starting to get that maniacal look on his face. Booth gestured him over to the box.

"How long before your stuff kicks in?" Booth asked wondering if they'd be able to win the game.

"Another ten minutes or so, but they maybe feeling a mild tingling right about now," Hodgins said with a snicker.

Booth laughed and sat back down in the box. In the end, Booth's team did in fact win the game and his team was practically dancing as they shook the state cop's hands. Booth was trying not to laugh, as he knew exactly why they were acting so strangely.

The men all but ran off the ice to get to the locker room. By the time, Booth and Wendell had reached the locker room the squints were lined up outside laughing their butts off at the hollering coming from the locker room. Booth and Wendell walked in and burst into laughter.

Roberts was frantically trying to get his laces undone. Jones was trying to strip his uniform off and dancing around in a frantic manner. Jones finally pulled off his uniform scratching any available skin. Franks was cursing while he ran for the showers, still fully uniformed. His cursing became louder as the water soaked through his uniform and the powder Hodgins had made trailed down his body with the water.

All of the men were in the same boat, Wendell and Booth were laughing so hard they had to sit down. The team finally managed to get their uniforms off and frantically ran to the showers. Booth was pulling off his jersey when he heard a screech followed by,

"HOLY HELL, MY JUNK IS GREEN!"

"Fredericks that's not something you want to yell while the rink bunnies are outside waiting for you to leave," Wendell called out his voice choked with laughter.

"Oh my god I think I have frost bite! My toes are turning black and they are on fire," Lemming yelled out in horror.

Booth was pulling off his skates when the door flew open and Brennan strode in smirking. Walking over to Booth who was rolling his eyes, she leaned over and whispered in his ear. He nodded in response then leaned over to speak to Wendell who nodded in turn.

"My underarms are green, even the hair," Brown yelled in horror.

"It will fade in six to eight weeks, Agent Brown," Brennan called out as she walked out the door.

"WHAT?" Brown yelled and the men in the showers groaned in unison. When they strode from the showers, Booth and Wendell burst into roaring laughter. The agents were covered on various body parts with different shades of various colors and were scratching as hard as they could go.

"Don't use an antihistamine, I'm sure Hodgins put something in it to make it worse if you do," Wendell choked out his line.

Both Wendell and Booth knew it was the only thing that would counter act the itching powder Hodgins had mixed up. They also knew Hodgins had done no such thing. Booth and Wendell stripped, dressed, and were headed out when Charlie stopped them.

"Aren't you two going to shower?" Charlie called with a smirk.

"Hell no. You guys were in there covered in itching power. Do I look stupid to you?" Booth called back as he walked out of the locker room carrying his bag. Brennan walked next to him with an evil glint in her eye. Booth gave her a lopsided grin knowing she still had more planned.

"Booth, you're going to want to move the Sequoia over near our cars," Brennan said with a smile.

"Okay, I was thinking of heading home unless you have planned something you didn't tell me about," Booth said with a teasing grin.

"Yes, we did in fact plan something we didn't tell you about," Brennan said with a smug smile.

Booth walked out to his truck, climbed in and drove around the parking lot until he found the squints. They were parked two rows behind the player's cars. He laughed as he saw them sitting on the roofs of their cars eating popcorn and talking animatedly. Booth pulled in next to Brennan's car and got out. Brennan hopped up on the hood of the Sequoia and stared over towards the cars.

People were streaming out of the building and slowly the parking lot began emptying. Booth hopped up on the hood next to Brennan and nudged her with his shoulder. Brennan let out a laugh and pointed as the men started making their way towards their vehicles.

Franks hit the alarm on his car and it burst into green flames. He screamed in horror and began running towards his car. The flames flickered and died as he approached. Slumping in defeat, he glanced over at the laughing squints who had video cameras rolling. Jansen carefully approached his car and climbed in seeing nothing wrong. After starting his car, he suddenly jumped out gagging at the smell pouring from his vents.

Booth glanced over watching the squints roll in laughter. Charlie opened his car door, put his key in the ignition leaving the door open, and started his car. When nothing happened, he smiled and pulled his door closed. When he put the car into drive, it began to play the ice cream truck song.

"Oh lord, Charlie is going to kill me. You know he lives-"

"In an apartment complex that has a lot of children," Brennan finished for him.

Booth wiped his hand down across his mouth to cover his grin. Roberts climbed into his Suburban, turned the key and when nothing happened sighed in relief. Starting the truck, he turned on his lights and stared in horror as huge purple and green DNA strand shaped strands came from his headlights. Jumping from the truck, he stared in horror at the neon pink flooding out from under his Ram 3500. Walking around to inspect his headlights, he almost cried, to the absolute delight of the squints. Roberts stood there for five minutes before slumping his shoulders and climbing into the truck to drive away.

Jones stood next to his car and stared at it, afraid to find out what they had done to his car. Brennan nudged Booth with her elbow and grinned evilly. Booth shook his head and smiled in amazement at the lengths these people went to for revenge. Jones finally gave in climbed into his car and started it, when nothing happened he closed the door and began to drive off. Half way across the parking lot sparks flew out from underneath his car as the muffler was dragged across the asphalt. With a final loud clunk, his muffler fell from his car and he continued to drive never noticing his missing muffler.

"Should we pick it up and return it to him?" Angela squealed out in laughter.

"Yeah, I'll pick it up and take it to the lab. We'll hold it hostage until they sign a peace treaty," Wendell called out. Brown, Fredricks, and Lemming stood near their cars watching the squints laughing at their expense, worse, yet videoing the whole thing.

"You might as well find out what we did, we're not leaving until you do," Daisy called out. Vincent reached around Fisher and smacked her on the arm.

"Shut up you git. None of their cars will start," Vincent whispered.

The squints climbed from their perches and got in their cars. Booth wrapped his hands around Brennan's waist and helped her down from the hood of his truck. Wrapping her in a hug quickly, he whispered a thank you in her ear and then let go. Turning around he climbed in his truck and waited for her to get into her vehicle.

Brennan paused a moment and walked to his window. He rolled down the window and looked at her in question. She held out her hand and Booth put his under it, opening her hand she dropped a hand full of fuses into his hand with a grin. Cocking her head to the side, she smiled a soft smile.

"You're Welcome," she whispered then walked away. Climbing into her car Brennan drove home wondering about the hug he'd given her.

April 22nd

Brennan walked from her office buttoning her lab coat when Booth strode through the door, his phone up to his ear. She stopped buttoning her coat and looked at him questioningly. He nodded a no and she finished what she had been doing. Booth's face spread into a slow grin and his eyes lit up in laughter. As Brennan approached, he held up his finger for her to pause.

"I'm sure that Bones has some type of peace treaty around here somewhere. I would suggest you march in here waving a white flag by noon. If not they will probably be pulling their next stunts. Yes, I saw the local sports line last night. Yes, I'm sure the woman at the coffee house thought it was amusing to call you luscious. Okay. Bye," Booth said as he hung up the phone.

"What was that all about?" Brennan asked him with her eyebrow arched. Clapping his hands Booth got the attention of the scientists.

"The Agents from the homicide division have declared a truce and are planning on signing a peace treaty with you all," Booth called out laughter heavy in his voice. The scientist and guards cheered loudly. Brennan gave Booth a grin then moved around him heading to limbo. Booth sat in Brennan's office finishing backlogged paperwork until lunch. Leaving her office Booth headed to limbo to get Brennan for the signing of the peace treaty.

"Come on Bones. The agents should be here any moment," Booth said with a large grin.

Smiling at him, she set down the fibula that was in her hands and pulled off her gloves. Following Booth, she headed for the platform that was now occupied by the Jeffersonian team. They stood leaning against the railing watching the doors. At twelve noon exactly Roberts, Jones, Jensen, Franks, Brown, Fredericks, Lemming, and Charlie came walking through the doors. Roberts held a white flag over their heads and were covered in red splotches from scratching, causing the squints to begin cheering.

The guard swiped his card allowing the agents up onto the platform. The agents stood on one side of the table, the squints on the other in between them Jones muffler and a handful of fuses lay on the table. Cam came striding up onto the platform carrying a sheet of paper.

"Gentlemen this is a treaty, read it carefully before you sign and know this, this is being videotaped so there will be no question of coercion," Cam said with a smirk in her voice. The agents waved their hands and Charlie took the paper.

_We the agents of the Homicide Division located in The J. Edgar Hoover Building in the District of Columbia, do hereby surrender to the scientists at the Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. We promise no further retribution for the acts done during this war and will not play any further pranks including April Fools, upon Special Agent Seeley Booth or any other Agent determined to be part of the Jeffersonian team. We recognize our inferiority in terms of pranks and hereby promise that no more pranks will be played upon anyone in the Jeffersonian team. Any pranks played upon the Jeffersonian Team will be automatic cause for retaliation from the Jeffersonian. We will ensure that new agents are made aware of this treaty and will be held to this treaty the entire homicide division will be held responsible for any one persons in that divisions actions. Any pranks that have been prearranged must be halted or the Jeffersonian team must be notified of said prank or this will be considered a declaration of war. The policy will come into effect at 12:00PM on the twenty-second day of April in the year of our lord Two Thousand and Seven._

"I am not signing anything saying I am inferior," Jones spluttered after reading the treaty. Cam crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow.

"Junior Agent Jones, I would highly suggest you suck it up and sign the treaty. These people have unlimited funds and knowledge. They are geniuses and will continuously, out do you," Booth said with an evil grin on his face.

"I don't think they'd do all that for just you," Jones said with a smirk.

"Junior Agent Jones, What did we tell you after your first prank?" Brennan asked her eyes slit in irritation.

"I don't honestly remember," Jones said with a smug look.

"Then let me remind you. I said ' The next time you think you're smart, remember we're smarter. Agent Booth is one of us, he is ours'," Brennan told him in a soft voice that made a shiver run down Booth's spine.

"Which means we protect our own," Hodgins said with a smirk.

"It should be mentioned that on April fool's Day Dr. Brennan planned those pranks on the elevator ride from the parking garage to Booth's office floor. This last set of pranks was a fifteen-minute planning session. We have not yet had to actually sit down and do an intensive planning session," Wendell pointed out with a grin. The agents began shifting nervously at the prospect of continuing the war.

"Sign it Jones, or I will have you transferred out of the homicide division," Roberts said in an angry undertone.

"Fine, Fine, I'll sign it," Jones said in a disgruntled tone. Cam handed Roberts a pen and the agents began signing the document. When they were finished, Cam walked to her office made a copy and returned with the copy.

"Here is your copy," Cam said handing the paper to Roberts. As the agents trudged out of the lab, the squints cheered.

"Founding Father's tonight to celebrate," Booth called out. Everyone cheered again, then looking around they returned to their work.

_Thus ends the tale of the War with the Squints._


End file.
